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by goodgirldown, on January 24th, 2006 under Status Quo with No Comments
We’ve decided that the Seattle, Denver, and Portland territories comprise too much business for one person to handle, so we’re going to be doing some shifting in the next month or two.
Great.
We want Susan to have one go-to person, so you’ll be handling Denver and Portland exclusively.
Uh…
When Sandy makes the transition to California, she will be taking the Seattle territory with her.
Uh…
So this should really alleviate your workload, right? This is a good move, don’t you think?
Yeah, well, that sounds great. Wondering, though, if the plan was to put Seattle with Cali, and give Denver and Portland to me, why the hell did you move me here catfucker?
Yes, well, that wasn’t very well thought out, was it?
No. No it wasn’t.
Now don’t get me wrong, when they offered me the job I didn’t care much where it was. Denver, Seattle, Portland; all fine by me. And in no way is this a statement of discontent as, let’s face it really, the cracks in the sidewalk are the same no matter where you travel and I’m beginning to understand that it’s just a matter of knowing where to step. (Unless you’re in Fife. Things are way different in Fife. True story.) Rather, I’m just amazed at the logic behind this whole endeavor. As the powers that be had this planned from the beginning, though, it actually does make perfect sense that they went about it in the typical cart before the horse, backwards ass fashion that they did. Three cheers for Corporate Confuction!
…and I didn’t actually call my boss a catfucker. This was added for your pleasure. Well, it made me giggle anyway.
??
I have the Trinity Sessions – Cowboy Junkies stuck on a loop in my head and I’m not positive that it’s entirely healthy.
I finally made a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow (sweet lord, no!) It’s been put off far too long and I’m glad to be getting it taken care of, but I’m not looking forward to the process of explaining my long history of physical retardation yet again. Yes, I know I’m broken. Thank you for your lovely insight and candor. Now bugger off.
I thought about doing laundry today, and at least that’s a step in the right direction.
With an adequate amount of caffeine, booze, knitting, and Netflix, I am convinced that almost anything is possible.
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by goodgirldown, on January 18th, 2006 under Status Quo with No Comments
There is something so terribly humbling and devastatingly crushing about admitting you have a problem you can’t solve all on your own.
As far back as I can remember, I was the caretaker. This was the role I was expected to fill and the identity I took on for a great many years. There was no sacrifice in it, it was my life and my family and I never questioned it. I never had to conceptualize, or define it, but I adopted it, and it created me. And I found that being a part of someone else, being their life and their whole world, created a heightened sense of self. Perhaps it was my way of differentiating my own identity from the one I spent so much time caring for. I gave everything that I could. And I wanted the whole world. I had it all figured out then. Every minute of my time was accounted for between family and work, school and life, business and play. There were a million things going on, and I had my hand in all of them.
And then, suddenly, cruelly, and wholly without warning, I was no longer needed. I was simply on my own.
And I found myself completely without direction and hopelessly lost. I don’t know that I’ve learned how to process the grief, as I always pushed it to a place inside where it didn’t affect me. I don’t know that I’ve spent enough time thinking about what I want from life, what makes me truly happy. I don’t know that I know anything anymore, least of all myself.
When you watch someone die, it instills in you a very strong sense of time, and a fear of everything passing you by before you have a chance to enjoy it, or make it yours. Time is always running out and tomorrow is not a guarantee you count on. So what do you do when you find that the person you’ve always been isn’t suited for the life that lies before you? What do you do when you find that you don’t even know the only person you’ve ever been able to count on? And how do you come to terms with the paralyzing panic that crushes you every time you wake to one more day of nothing special?
I’m so tired of trying to figure out what I want to do and who I want to be and why I’m not doing more when I all want to do is sleep this sickness away. I’m so tired of beating myself up for being weak and needing help and being too proud to do anything about it when I can’t breathe, I can’t speak, I can’t think, I can’t sleep, and all that runs through my head is “Girl…you better figure this out before time runs out on you for good…”
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by goodgirldown, on January 18th, 2006 under Status Quo with No Comments
My day went something like this:
“I just emailed the quote to you.”
“You sent it?”
“Yes, I just emailed it to you.”
“To my email address?”
…
I miss, tremendously, those one to two days a week that I was previously able to work from home. Despite the fact that continued breaks and ever present distractions led to longer than 8 hour days, the experience was well worth it. Fresh coffee, comfy clothes, soothing music, Twin Peaks in the background; these things make almost any job bearable. I’d settle, though, for the ability to wear my sweats to work and smoke at my desk. But such is not the state of things. I am still looking for employment elsewhere, but I have somewhat resigned myself to staying put for a few more months. The March bonus factors strongly in that equation, especially with Vegas coming up in April. Sweet lord of all that is unholy, let me last that long. Vegas, baby, Vegas.
As a completely random aside, I have an intense dislike of the word canoodle. If you use this word in my presence, I will stick a spork in your eye.
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by goodgirldown, on January 17th, 2006 under Status Quo with No Comments
“Why do people insist on conversing with me when I’m obviously otherwise engaged? It’s one thing when I’m at work, where I’m paid, in part, to deal with monkeys, morons, and all forms of half-wits. It’s a completely different story when I’m sludging down the street in the rain, pants soaked, glasses fogged, music blaring, determined to get coffee at any cost. I stop, adjust the optics and pull down the headphones only to hear ‘Hey sister, can you spare a smoke?’ NO. And I’m not your fucking sister.”
“See…you’re so Seattle already.”
?
Our office-stalker drama ended a few hours ago with a swift arrest and no complications to speak of. Shame. I was almost looking forward to having a viable (…right?…) excuse to bring some form of weaponry to work. It’s not often you can get away with walking down the hall, whip in one hand, taser in the other. And that’s a damn shame, too.
!
I purchased my ticket home today. March 16-20. So to all my honkeys in Florida, please prepare yourselves and clear some time that weekend. There will be liquor and love for all…and then some.
^
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by goodgirldown, on January 17th, 2006 under Status Quo with No Comments
Excitement of the day: We have a new and improved office-stalker! A suspicious fellow was spotted in our hallway early this morning, slinking around, trying to gain entrance to our suite. This appearance mysteriously coincides with a rash of ill tempered phone calls received by one of our employees from a disgruntled ex. So after a briefing this morning, and another this afternoon, the security chap makes his rounds every hour or so, ensuring that we are safe, all parts and pieces accounted for. And the suite doors have been locked which is mildly annoying to those of us who don’t bother to bring our keys along on every smoke break. Now, this is the second stalker this office has seen in the past four months. And it’s not a large office. There are maybe 20 of us here. So I’m left to wonder; is it really the weather? Seriously? Because this place breeds stalkers. Breeds them, I tell you. True story.
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by goodgirldown, on January 16th, 2006 under Status Quo with No Comments
I spent just over two hours working on the pictures from my last outing to New World only to discover that post-edit they look dark, dirty, and more than a touch drab. I am thinking that my calibration is somehow sideways. I made a very valiant attempt at reading about color management and Photoshop CS profiles (jargon, jargon, jargon) to no avail. If those “For Dummies” books didn’t make me want to choke little kittens, I’d get one and figure this out. Instead, I’m going to kidnap a graphics guru (or two) and make them my slave(s). At least until my color is straight. And then I will once again release them into the wild. Or harness them from the ceiling and call it mobile-flesh-art. One or the other.
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by goodgirldown, on January 15th, 2006 under Status Quo with No Comments
So I’m somewhere in Tennessee, mountain dew in one hand, smoke in the other, coffee waiting patiently for me in the cup holder. Drinking and driving and trucking my way to Seattle when I get a call from the apartment manager of my soon-to-be home. We’re going over the perfunctory details and finalizing my plans for arrival. “You’re going to love it here,” he says, quite matter of fact, “I got a guy from Miami to do all the painting!” I’m thinking, man…there’s a reason I’m leaving Florida, you know? And I’ll be damned if this place didn’t come straight out of the hellmouth that is Miami, indeed. The walls of the first floor are yellow. The second, turquoise. The sixth, puke pumpkin orange. It’s tragic, truly. There is nothing comforting about rolling into your apartment at 3 in the morning, nursing what is inevitably going to turn into a wicked hangover, and being visually assaulted by an orange foyer. Trust me on this one.
Anyway, I’m in the aforementioned hall of death today and I encounter a group of good looking and seemingly caffeinated strangers. Turns out the tall lad just moved in and as part of his rent agreement he is repainting the walls of the complex.
This brings a big, bright ray of ooey, gooey, girl scout goodness into my day.
